What Women Want: Recess is OVER
Fellas, I'm confident many of you may have driven yourselves crazy while attempting to understand women. So much so that you've probably given up a long time ago. A wise woman once said "women don't even understand women". Now, that doesn't imply that women are too difficult to figure out, it simply implies that they aren't meant to be.
The first mistake, is trying to "figure out" women. The second mistake, is failing to accomplish the one most important task when it comes to women: listen. Truthfully, if you'd have simply listened to the woman from the beginning, there would be nothing for you to "figure out". Instead of attempting to rationalize every action a woman takes, take a moment and just listen to them (you'll thank me later). So, with the assistance of several different ladies, I decided to take the time to shed some light on a few of the things women truly want. Of course, every woman varies so in no way will this hold true for every woman walking God's earth but, these are the most common.
Guys, women need attention. No, this absolutely does not refer to "likes" on her Facebook/Instagram page. This refers to the type of attention you give starting from the day you two meet. Take a moment and reflect. When you first meet a woman, you don't know anything about her. All you know is that she looks amazing and you want to get to know her. After learning she has potential, you begin to brainstorm on ways of getting her attention and making her feel special. Only issue is, after getting her attention, most of you cease and desist. At this point, women begin to feel betrayed, bamboozled and most importantly, misled.
Rather you realize it or not, you've basically falsified who and what you are. To gain her attention, you portrayed the image of the "perfect guy". After successfully gaining her attention, you then portrayed your true image of an "average guy". Take a moment and think, if from day one, your woman gave you head on a daily basis JUST to gain your attention and suddenly stopped once she obtained it, how would you feel? I'm confident your argument would be the same, a complete lack of consistency.
In short, be who you are from the very first day. If you're the type of man that takes initiative to keep her smiling, then be that man. If you start out giving her flowers for no reason, continue to do so for your upcoming years together. Women need the attention and signs of affection. If you have a "date night" every week, continue to do so even when you're married. Women need to be reminded of the courtship you conducted. Just remember, how you get your woman is how you'll keep your woman. Who you are is who you are. If you're average, be average. Trust, there's absolutely nothing wrong with average. There is, however, something wrong with portraying a false image of the man that you are. So if you aren't that considerate, "gifts for no reason" type of guy, don't conduct yourself as one. Women will love you for who you are, not what you are. She'll respect your consistency before she respects whatever empty trinkets you give her.
Yes, it's the 21st century. Yes, generations have evolved. And yes, times continue to change. However, the roles in which men and women play remain the same. In order to grasp this concept, one must understand what exactly "chivalry" is defined as. Opening doors, pushing in her chair at the dinner table, standing up as she leaves the table, taking out the trash, fixing things around the house and walking on the curb side of the street (nearest the cars) are all but a few examples.
Today, however, it may be somewhat difficult to open a woman's car door. More and more often now, the woman is probably the one picking you up for the date. Although this may be frowned upon for quite a few reasons, let's not digress. Now, even if this is the case, before you two get in the car, you can still open the door for her. As soon as she unlocks the doors, simply walk over to her side, open her door and walk back to your side. It takes but only 3 seconds to walk back around to the passenger side, if that long. Just because she drove doesn't excuse the lack of courtesy.
Understandably, in 2014, the roles of men and women have been compromised. That is, more and more women have taken on more and more responsibility due to a lack of willing men to do so. Issue is, some women have become so consumed by doing everything themselves that they have trouble allowing a man to "show" chivalry. At that point, they may claim chivalry doesn't exist anymore. Men, this isn't an easy way out for you. Even if this is the case, she's a woman. Courtesy and respect are mandatory even if she says otherwise. Of course, she's more than capable of opening her own door and may even insist on doing so. Of course, she's more than capable of taking the trash out and may get offended if you don't allow her to. Of course, she's more than capable of running in the rain with you to get to the car in the lot but, don't you dare allow her to do so. Let's elaborate here for a moment. First of all, be a man and let her wait inside the restaurant where it's dry while you run in the rain to go get the car, whether she drove or not. And once you get to the car, drive back to the door, find something to cover her with, get your ass back out of the car and open her car door for her. That's not only chivalry, it's simply being a Man. As mediocre as it may appear, these little things are noticed and believe me, they count.
Also, for all of you Chicago male readers, if it's snowing (1 inch, 2 inches or 12 inches), and she's about to drive somewhere, please understand that it would be quite rude of you not to go outside and start her car so it can warm up. In addition, wipe the snow off of her car. Again, she's more than capable of doing this herself but, part of being a man and a gentleman is also comprehending something called sacrifice. Rather than allowing her to freeze or get drenched and possibly sick, get into the mindset of "nothing happens to you that doesn't happen to me first". Family or not, children or not, if she's your woman, this needs to be your mindset.
Lastly, of course there are several women who may not appreciate when you show chivalry, they may even criticize you for it, but it's up to you not to allow that small percentage of women to compromise you. In time, they may realize the value of your actions and learn to appreciate it. Or, they may not ever. Needless to say, at least your conscience will be clear knowing you did the right thing. Accolades aren't what you're after, therefore recognition shouldn't be the cause nor the objective for what you do. Acknowledging a woman in her entirety, respecting her, protecting her and making her feel like a woman are the things which matter. No reward needed, she is, by far, the greatest reward one could ever receive.
Guys, as shallow as this may appear, appearance is a crucial element for women. It doesn't imply that you must be incredibly handsome or fine, however, it does imply that you should carry yourself well. Men, what you must understand, is that a woman wants a man who "compliments" her. No, this doesn't mean telling her she's pretty. What this means is, she wants a man who reflects her stature and sophistication. If she's dressed in elegance, you can't arrive to escort her wearing jeans and Jordan's. Please, wear a suit, a button up shirt and a tie. And remember, no clip on ties! If you can take the time to memorize the latest slang and song lyrics, you can take the time to learn how to tie a tie. Better yet, get a tailor. Familiarize yourself with a tuxedo. Women may like a man who can coordinate regular outfits, but she'll love a man who can epitomize grown and sexy.
In addition, keep yourselves well groomed. It's quite the contradiction to require a woman to maintain her hair and hygiene but you can't visit a barber or use a razor. A woman wants to be proud to have you as her man. She wants to be able to be seen with you in public without appearing foolish as if she's accompanying a charity case. Now, be advised, this does not imply that she's concerned with what others think. It's about her and what she thinks. If her confidence level is at it's peak, she'll expect, in fact, she'll require that your confidence level equates to the same if not higher. The title of her "man" is not one to be taken lightly. Therefore, if she's willing to give you the title, be willing to remain worthy of it.
Well known fact: Men and women have two completely different perspectives when it comes to sex. While men focus on achieving orgasm immediately, women focus on the connection. Of course, to an extent, physical attributes make a difference, however, whether or not you two are in sync matter much more. For men, sex starts from the moment you enter her vagina. For a woman, sex begins from the moment you tell her "Good morning". For all of you men failing to comprehend that rationale, allow me to explain.
With women, sex begins long before you enter her. Sex begins with the way you say good morning, the look you give while saying it and most importantly, whether or not you say it at all. The entire day builds up to sex and is a part of sex for her. What you say, what you do, how you treat her, the way you make her feel and even the way you look at her all matters. If you ignore her the entire day and only contact her because you get horny, she'll likely reject your advance. A woman needs to feel desired, wanted and special, not like a temporary fix.
Of course, there are a few women who are just as promiscuous as men. These are exceptions to the rule but generally speaking, if/when a woman decides to open herself up to you (her vulnerability not just her legs) then she's doing it for a reason. She sees something in you that she didn't find in others. It's up to you not to destroy that. Guys, sex and emotions go hand and hand with women. Therefore, she won't just sleep with you to "buss a nut". These things take time and a bond must be built before she'll expose herself to you.
Now, there are a few things you should know. Women can be fragile. As confident as they may seem in those "selfies" you see on her Facebook/Instagram, most women are quite self conscious of their bodies. That being said, if you like her body, tell her. If you like her scent, tell her. If you like her outfit, tell her. If you like her, tell her. All of these things tie into sex for her. Have you ever wondered why she takes so long to get ready? Probably not, as a man, I can admit that tardiness has blinded me from noticing how enticing her finishing product was. In other words, as men, we fail to acknowledge how much effort and time she puts into looking nice for us. Keywords: FOR US. So, again, telling her how amazing she looks (and they do look amazing) matters. Yes, she likes attention. But what she craves is your attention.
Lastly, you must learn to balance aggression. Women see men as playing a specific role. Traditional women will likely never make the first move in initiating sex therefore, the ball is in your court guys. If/when she's ready to submit to you, don't be afraid to be the aggressor. General terms, a woman wants a man that will not only be her equal, but her protector. A good woman knows and understand the role men play and will appreciate a man that can take charge...of her! As the saying goes "treat her like a Queen, fuck her like a porn star". Of course, not to be taken so literal as to disrespect her but remember, women are just as freaky as you, if not more. However, this is when balance comes into play. As much as a woman may like aggression, too much aggression can be just as much as a turn off. You must balance it out. There's a time and place. At times, she may actually want to dominate, therefore...let her! If the connection is strong enough and the bond is present, you two will enjoy each other. But men, just keep in mind, sometimes it's more than just having an orgasm.
Sense of Humor
As the days continue to build, more and more unpredictability occurs. Between unexpected deaths, troubled finances and stressful work environments, it's harder and harder to smile. This being said, men, keep in mind that women are the more emotional sex. Believe it or not, they're also the strongest sex, but definitely more emotional. So of course, these daily trials and tribulations will have an heavy effect on her emotional state. When she comes home, she doesn't want to come home to an even more stressful environment. She wants to come home to positivity and optimism. Even if for only moments at a time, inevitably, she wants to smile. She wants to laugh. She doesn't want her counterpart just as strict, anal and negative as her daily endeavors were.
Over time, a woman's world will consist of her man as a central element. You'll be the force in which she will depend and lean on when times are rough. In short, you'll become her rock. She needs to know that even in the most troublesome times, you can remain level and stable. Being able to put a smile on her face and being able to make her smile are two different things. Allow me to explain. Putting a smile on her face can be accomplished simply by keeping the heat on or making sure the rent is paid in your home. Making her smile implies generating an emotional response from within, such as comfort, support and intimacy.
Taking yourself, or her, too seriously can yield negative results. Having a sense of humor not only shows her you can be optimistic, but open with her as well. Generally speaking, women take time to get comfortable with a man. Especially if they've been disappointed before. Playfulness, jokes and even slight sarcasm will show her that not only are you comfortable with her, but she can be also be comfortable with you. The ideal situation involves being best friends in a relationship. If things are constantly scrutinized, critiqued and evaluated, there's no room for comfort due to all the tension in the room. Be mindful.
As much as women are completely capable of accomplishing any task they set their minds to, inevitably, they yearn for security. While it isn't outside of their grasp to establish a sense of security themselves, a lady will ultimately expect a man to be a man. Now, being a man has many different shades. In a household, there was once such a thing called a "Bread winner". In short, the Bread winner was the man of the house who inherited the role of Provider. Hopefully, all of you are aware of what a Provider is but, as a precaution, allow me to elaborate.
A Provider means much more than simply making money. A teenager can accomplish that goal. Being a Provider means not only generating an income, but also managing that income to mold a household while providing shelter to your family. Or as we used to commonly say: putting food on the table. Examples include heat in the winter, lights when it's dark, food when the stomachs growl and pillows for heads to rest. These are all but a few of the elements that a Provider must possess.
Along with that household comes protection. While installing an alarm system is smart, as a man, women expect you to be capable and willing to protect them. Although most women have been raised and groomed to provide for and protect themselves, understand that if they decide to bless you with the opportunity to be their man, without a doubt they'll expect you to be their Protector as well. Don't allow foolishness to cloud you mind into thinking that as a Protector, you must fight her every battle albeit physical or verbal. She is far beyond capable and willing to fight her own battles. But, if the circumstance arises where she's disrespected or abused all the while you stand idly by doing nothing, it may very well be your last experience together as a couple.
Deep inside, women appreciate a "knight in shiny armor". As old fashioned as it appears, women love the selfless acts of protection as it reflects your love and dedication to her. Example, if you two are out and another man makes an inappropriate comment towards her, stand up for her. This does not suggest that you get a gun and shoot the man, however, speaking up in her defense is expected. Trust, she will pay close attention to your response, or lack there of. Standing by and/or shying away will most definitely produce negative results. Even more so if she has to be the one to speak up rather than you.
Lastly, be the "alpha male". Many men have misinterpreted the meaning of this but let me be clear, it does not suggest arrogance, immaturity nor ignorance. Your demeanor, your scent, your decisions and especially your actions will all demonstrate the type of man you are. If you're always apologizing, failing to give your opinion or following her lead while neglecting to ever take your own, she'll likely run you over. Any woman will tell you, no woman will respect a man she can run over and control. Girls will yearn for a man she can control while a lady will respect a man who speaks his mind.
Again, don't allow foolishness to cloud your mind into thinking this means to be a control freak and/or unnecessarily authoritative. This simply means to speak up. In volumes, speak your opinion and don't be afraid to take charge. If you don't agree, say it. If you don't like something, admit it. This all isn't simply about being an alpha male, it's also about being an adult in general. You can't yearn for a strong woman but live as a weak man. Food for thought.
The most basic of all things, time. As men, we've all been guilty of misunderstanding what makes a woman smile. It isn't the clothes you bought, the hair/nails you paid for nor the jewelry you gave. It's the time spent which she adores most.
Women know and fully understand that you have a life. Believe me, she wants you to live outside of her. But, she also wants to be a part of that life you live. She needs to be shown, not just told, that she matters just as much as you matter to her, if not more. Fitting her into your schedule makes a difference to her. Juvenile men may believe that the "chase" is what will draw her near. What will truly draw her near is a man admitting that he wants her around and can come to terms with it. Plan a day for you and her. No occasion or special event, just because. Leave your typical outing with the guys and come home early at night just to lay up and watch a movie together.
Neglect is a common factor which influences a mate to stray and/or distance themselves entirely from you. Any woman will tell you, it's the simple things which matter most. Just think, you can buy your child every toy in the world, send enormous amounts of money and give them the best quality clothes. But, every Mother reading this will agree, none of that means anything if you aren't spending time with your child. Same rules apply with your mate. Of course, this doesn't compare a woman to a child, simply implies the same dynamic. Money and resources mean nothing to her if you don't take a moment out of your day to be with her. She can value the gifts you buy for mere seconds, but embraces, intimacy and experiences are everlasting.
I reiterate, no two women are alike. In general terms, no two people are alike. As difficult as you may perceive women to be, they're actually more self assured than men. Are they simple? No. Are the rational? Not always. Are they worth it? Definitely. Fellas, keep in mind, girls are easy but women require work. The above items aren't a list for you to study. The above items are simply elements to broaden your perspectives on how women see things, a wake up call if you will. What matters most is that you be yourself. At the end of the day, that's what women really truly want and will appreciate most of all. As time continues, being one's self is the one factor which continues to become more and more scarce.
Now, please understand, sometimes being yourself may require upgrades. Whether a more open mind or a more open heart, but if you want to obtain high quality, you must first self reflect. Ask yourself, can you provide the features in which you seek? Do you have anything to bring to the table? Can you even make it to the table? Lastly, if you weren't raised in the era of courtship, chivalry and tradition, you may want to do your research before approaching a Lady. And, if you aren't familiar with the term "Lady", believe me, you're in way over your head.
Ladies, encourage your brothers, friends and boyfriends to read the above items. Sometimes, men need to be reminded or educated on certain things. Please feel free to share.