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Ladies, from what I've been told, many of you believe men are quite difficult. Many of you are convinced that men are uncertain of exactly what it is that they want. Some of you, are absolutely correct. But, nearly all of you, are absolutely wrong. So, I felt it was appropriate to take a moment and explain, in as much detail as possible, exactly what it is that men want.

First and foremost, men aren't nearly as difficult as many of you may perceive. Of course, the below narratives won't quite touch on every single aspect of a man due to individual circumstances but collectively, these items are among the most common with all men and can be broken down into three basic elements. As a disclosure, some of the references made below are for a mature audience only. No disrespect or offensive intent exists. Listen up.

1.) Appreciation

Appreciation goes a long way. First of all ladies, what you must understand, is that as men, believe it or not, we actually want you to be happy. Even more so, we want to be the ones that make you happy. We yearn to provide, to cater to you and to please you while fulfilling your any and every desire. We want to put in the hard work to ensure your happiness. Through our eyes, you're our Queen and we fully comprehend our role in the relationship. However, if/when we aren't shown appreciation for our efforts, trust that we most definitely will "fall back".

Through our perspective, while we're putting forth such a tremendous effort, we need to be reminded as to why. We need to know that ultimately, the juice is worth the squeeze. We need to know that while we're working those double shifts so we can afford that over priced hand bag or that pair of shoes that you just "had to have", you ultimately recognize us for making the effort. If all you do is give a simple "Thanks", then we may as well have just picked up the pen you dropped on the floor or said "bless you" after you sneezed. We need to know that you not only recognize the effort we've put forth, but that you also appreciate the fact that we did it altogether.

All this simply means is that you're grateful for us and what we do; more importantly, it means that you show it. Now, by no means does this imply that our egos need to be stroked. This simply means that instead of the average "thanks", we'd rather hear "Babe, thanks for everything that you do, you always do your best and I just want you to know I appreciate you for it"; or "Babe, even though you didn't make it on time, it's ok, I appreciate the fact that you made the effort". In fact, it's best not to even wait until we do something for you to say these things, say it just because. As a woman, wouldn't you want to be shown love on more than just Valentine's day? Same applies with us in regards to appreciation. Believe me, as men, we pay attention to the little things. Over time, that typical "thanks" becomes routine, empty and meaningless. Of course, a demonstration of good manners is to always say "thank you", but just remember, you don't want to be treated as average so, why would we?

Lastly, reciprocate. I repeat, RECIPROCATE. Reciprocity doesn't necessarily imply that you need to match the value of what we give materialistically, but rather the effort. Example, a man drives out in twelve inches of snow (Chicago weather) because you had a craving for a brand of ice cream that only one Walgreens sold AND it's twenty minutes away. When we return, please, do more than just say the cliche "awww thanks babe". Instead of the typical response, surprise us in the middle of the night with some head. A simple "from me to you" gesture. Believe it or not, these things don't go unnoticed and matter to us a great deal. We view this as a form of appreciation. In regards to reciprocity, in no capacity would we expect you to go out in twelve inches of snow nor would we allow you to, but gestures such as surprise midnight head tell us that you appreciate all that we do so much so, that you're willing to make us feel good.

2.) Loyalty

Where do we start? One of the most simple elements also stands to be one of the most rare. Today, faithfulness and reliability seem to be traits in which most lack. In a world where the term "friend" has taken on multiple meanings and where someone who can be considered to be "like a brother/sister" can also be a lover, one's loyalty has become questionable.

With men, what matters is that we know that while we're deflecting all of the women making advances at us, you're doing the same with the many men approaching you. Let's be honest, for a man, it takes a tremendous amount of will power, self control and self discipline to turn a woman down. Keep in mind, men are visual and physical, so when offered sex, it isn't as simple as simply saying "no". Women have a slight advantage seeing as how they've typically been offered sex everyday since they were sixteen (debatably) yet men are only offered sex maybe once every sixteen weeks, if he's lucky. Ladies, understand that once a man has chosen to be with you, he's also chosen to be faithful, committed and loyal, thus meaning he WILL turn down other women with ease. Rejection becomes a proud action once we've realized what we have at home holds more value than anything those other women may have to offer. All of which becomes meaningless once we learn you may have accepted a few phone numbers and/or went on a date or two behind our backs.

What we want, what we need, is to know that while we're apart, your behavior is the same as if we were standing right there beside you. Trust, once we've made the decision to be your man and put forth our effort, our behavior when we're apart will most definitely reflect that of if you were standing right there beside us. When men decide to give their all, there is no alternative. That being said, we won't keep other women around as "back up" or "just in case", we eliminate them altogether.

Included with loyalty is respect. As men, we aren't going to allow another woman to complete tasks, fulfill desires and/or play the part(s) that you should be playing. Our loyalty goes as far as to ensure that these other women understand that any and every need we have, will be attended to by YOU. That being said, any meal, activity/outing or sexual favor offered (see next section) will be declined out of respect for you. Obviously, we require the same in return.

As our women, we expect you to be by our side, good or bad. For example, if we're living together and there comes at time when we can't provide for you financially, all other options are open for consideration EXCEPT accepting money from another man. Unless that man is the bank teller, through our perspective, it would be an example of disrespect and disloyalty. Men go so far as to not even feel comfortable with you accepting money from your father (it's a "guy thing"), nonetheless, accepting money from a male "friend" is utterly disloyal and disrespectful (in our eyes). We'd expect, and appreciate, that if we can't come up with the money together, then we'll just have to do without. I'm sure you ladies may view accepting money from a male friend as simple way of solving a problem, but believe me, it'll ignite a fire with great flame. I'm sure that it may also appear that we're allowing our pride to cloud our judgement but, they're just some boundaries that should respectfully be kept. Part of our role is to be the Provider, ergo, if you allow another man to provide we may as well allow another woman to satisfy our needs too, right?

3.) Sex

Of course, this is self explanatory. Ladies, this requirement is the most basic and most expected among men. I'll go on record and say that any man who tells you otherwise, is likely lying or is part of the microscopic percentage of men who can do without sex.

Let me be very clear, if you want to keep your man, please understand that you must not only provide sex, but you must also be willing to fulfill his EVERY fantasy and desire, sexually. Yes, some men may vary so some requests may be a bit more extreme than others but, as the saying goes "what you won't do, he'll eventually find elsewhere". Of course this doesn't contradict my earlier statements. A man will indeed be faithful and loyal, however, as this is the third requirement, if it isn't met in its entirety, it'll only be a matter of time before he either finds it elsewhere or, simply leaves you. Yes, it can be that serious. All those phrases such as "I'm not doing that" or "don't even think about trying that shit on me" need to be deleted from your vocabulary. Men want not only sex but in all honesty, men want a woman who is raunchy, freaky, kinky and most important: willing. The more restrictions you give, the more likely he is to stray.

A little known secret about men is that we care about how soon you have sex with us. For example, if you have sex with a man within the first week, as much as you may be in sync with each other, your value will be greatly depreciated. Yes, it's the 21st century and two adults agreeing to have sex is completely feasible, however, a man wants to court you. Albeit the 21st century, men 30+ yrs old likely to be traditional, therefore will seek that of their reflection. We yearn for a woman who is willing to give things time rather than "jump our bones" before learning our last name. Those are the things we experienced in our earlier, less mature, promiscuous years. We want something, someone, to build with. That being said, ladies, wait. No specific time frame. But if you want this man and want to keep him, allow him to court you without distracting him with legs wide open.

Now, once the foundation has been set, once courtship has commenced and once intimacy has occurred...LET LOOSE! No restrictions, no boundaries and no list of "don't do's". Be open. Simply put, whether we want you to make us cum by using your feet (foot fetish, podophilia); your hair (hair fetish, trichophilia); your breasts (breast fetish, mazophilia) or even if we're into urolagnia (Google it), just say "ok babe". At the very least, be willing to try anything once no matter how "strange" the request(s). Also remember, communication is key with men, we aren't mind readers. Not all men know when and where you want us to do something to you so please, open your mouth. Trust, we're eagerly willing to fulfill all of your kinky requests as well.

Conclusion

This all may mimic a list of demands on how to keep a man but in reality, these are simply the things that make a man stay, keep him happy and remain true. As mentioned before, it's the 21st century. The most common reason men are leaving women and/or cheating is because of disloyalty, no appreciation and lack of sex. Of course, cheating is never justifiable nor condoned, however, lack of attention to these three elements likely influenced the action(s). Communication, ultimately, holds responsibility. Granted, if these pockets of dissatisfaction were conveyed to their partners rather than kept to themselves, cheating/breaking up may have been avoided. However, when these things are addressed and no action is taken, what's a man to do?

Bottom line, man or woman, from day one, communicate. Express to each other what it is that you want, what it is that you expect and what it is that you will/will not tolerate. Too often we're leaving everything to interpretation and not voicing our concerns out of fear of judgement and/or rejection. Simple misunderstandings are becoming the leading cause of conflicts amongst ourselves. Communication is a the strongest weapon in our arsenal and it's time to wipe the dust off. No texts, no emoticons, no acronyms, no emails, no phone calls, just simple face to face communication is key. Once upon a time, it was all we had. So when all else fails, back to the basics.