Food for Thought

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When asking a couple "What causes your arguments?", typically, they may immediately claim their counterpart is responsible. However, if the situations are observed and properly evaluated, in most scenarios, BOTH parties are found responsible. Ever ask yourself why is there traffic? Too many cars on the road? Slow drivers? Not enough lanes? Or are there simply people who just don't know how to drive? The same factors can be evaluated here. There are people who simply don't know how to communicate.

In arguments, both individuals typically have a valid point to express. The ultimate reason this transmutes into an argument is because of poor communication skills. If the concept of communication is broken down, one will find that a technique called "listening" is involved. In life, we all are guilty of overlooking that small detail at one point in time. That detail, however, can make or break a situation. Communication SHOULD flow as follows:

Person #1 - Talks

Person #2 - Listens

...and then....

Person #2 - Talks

Person #1 - Listens

(repeat)

The simplicity of the concept stated above should be obvious. While one party speaks, the other should listen and simply wait their turn to retort. Due to our emotions, moods and sometimes pure arrogance (and stubbornness), most of us can't just be idle and listen. We feel as though we MUST interrupt to get our point(s) across, never taking into consideration how the other individual feels.

As human beings, we have what's called perspectives. Our own perceptions of reality. When these perceptions aren't congruent with others, arguments may arise. No cause for alarm as these arguments can always be resolved. The question remains rather they'll be resolved simply, or with difficulty (if at all). As human beings, we are also far from from perfect. We, sometimes, stubbornly believe that our perspectives are the only perspectives and everyone else's MUST be the same. We forget our differences are what makes us unique. Once we identify a difference of opinion, it becomes foreign and on an average, we reject the difference and criticize it entirely. This is no different from how people are seldom open to change and have difficulty adjusting. What we so typically fail to understand is that there truly is no such thing as "right" or "wrong" in an argument of one's perspectives. There are several different ways of tackling a situation. When two people have two different approaches, rather than be open minded and grab pieces of each other's methods to possibly create a third approach, we instead reject each other's ideas in favor of our own. Experienced individuals, however, can agree to disagree. They understand when their counterpart has shut down their road for suggestions and won't waste their efforts.

Conclusively, communication is the cornerstone of ANY relationship. Friends, Lovers, Relatives, colleagues, subordinates etc. In a relationship, the damage usually is ignited when the communication fades. Most are ignorant to the fact that communication takes you to depths never imagined in a relationship. Platonically, emotionally and ESPECIALLY intimately ;-) Food for thought

Al Steven Harrison Jr.

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Mount Prospect, IL

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